WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
