I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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