Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
