He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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