i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
