I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
