guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
