So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
