i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
