On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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