You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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