when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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