This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?