you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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