Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
