tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
