I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
