I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
