the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
