at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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