Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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