OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
