Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
