how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Green mimosas i think yes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
