I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
