they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
