Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
