Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
