I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
