Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
