I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
