you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
