I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
