We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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