I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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