she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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