Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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