i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
