he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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