Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
