My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
