fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
