6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
