Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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