You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
