its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
