Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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