At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
