It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
