We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
