I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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