i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
