We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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