I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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