I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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