both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
