"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
