I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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