i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
zippers are such a cool invention
time to smoke my breakfast
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
