When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
