I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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