were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
