Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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