I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So apparently I’m into choking now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
