I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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