eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
