Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
